Friday, 8 March 2013

Praying with our Darkness

When I am alone I discover who I want to be,
When I am with others I discover who I really am.[1]

Anyone who has spent time living in community will know the truth of these words. Ideals and theories are very important; community cannot work without a set of shared values and aspirations. But no matter how good is the ideal a certain amount of failure is inevitable. As human beings we get tired, we get frustrated, we get irritated, we get angry. There is a darker side to life. Healthy relationships have their difficulties. Knowing how to apology and how to forgive is essential.

Here at Corrymeela such self-evident human realities take on a deeper significance. If we are not able to recognise our own failings, if in our own small way we are not able to be reconciled to each other, then what hope is there that we can walk alongside others in their search or reconciliation? Being alongside those who have lived in a culture of hate necessitates an internal struggle with the darkness within ourselves. I too have a capacity to hate, I too have a difficulty to forgive.

Recognising this self-darkness can be a very de-stabilising experience. It ignites within us some very primeval reactions. We feel an impulse to fight or flight. To ignore our own darkness and pretend it isn’t there; or to desperately try to justify why in our case the circumstances are different, we genuinely are a special case! Such reactions lead us nowhere. All too easily we could descend into an abyss of depression and aggressiveness. Or instead we could create for ourselves a fantasy world where we are the sovereign king, we run away from our darkness and pretend that we have  everything sorted out, pitifully looking down on others as poor squabbling peasants.

Our prayer is a response to this reality. From a Christian perspective prayer is our road out of such dead-ends.

Prayer is absolutely central to working for reconciliation. In prayer we simply allow ourselves to be loved by God. We allow ourselves to be embraced despite all our hate, despite all our darkness, despite all to inability to forgive. In prayer we are reminded of the infinite value and worth which God sees in each human person. It is from this love that we can draw the strength to live with ourselves, not denying but accepting our darkness. It is in prayer that we can let go of our superiorities and accept that we are weak, fragile and broken. It is in prayer that we can find hope.

The work of reconciliation involves prayer not because we think God can magically solve the world’s problem. We pray because reconciliation is only possible when we know that they are loved, a way forward is only possible when we can discover a hope.



[1] This is a quote from someone or other, I haven’t been able to find out who said or wrote it, if you know then please let me know.

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